I can't reach a decision about Thanksgiving

[Siwsan]

My nephew and his wife are hosting it, this year. Truthfully, I have zero desire to celebrate it. For one thing, I have no appetite. Right now I'm living on eggs and soup. If I'm uncomfortable I get esophageal spasms when I eat, which is a nightmare. I'm still not recovered from, and can't move past the disaster that happened on Nov 5. I've stopped watching the news and avoid any news web sites. I get an occasional glance of stuff on DU but quickly move on to a non political forum but my anxiety and stress are still considerable, despite taking my 'chill pill' every day. Loud noises and conversations are a big anxiety trigger and when my family is having fun, they are LOUD.

Not to mention my former brother-in-law, from whom I've been estranged for the last 5 years, will be there. I'll just say the estrangement had to do with his behavior after my sister died. I found it to be disrespectful towards her, and later towards me. We've had one cordial meeting, around Labor Day, but I realized that I just no longer felt like he is 'family'. Now he's more of a casual acquaintance.

I guess I could drive and leave if I start to feel uncomfortable, but that would involve driving home, in the dark, from an unfamiliar area.

The closer it gets, the more I think going would be a mistake. The kids say they will understand if I don't go.