Communication is always a challenge with him. He is very taciturn. It is worse than pulling teeth to get him to talk. And, he is never wrong. If he is, see the previous sentence.
I have been trying to find a friend up here for going over eight years now. These people... they just don't operate the way I do. It is not just me. I have run into other people who are from my part of the country that say the same thing. One, who was a nurse where I got my quad bypass, told me that she had lived up here for ten years and they 'still don't know what to make of me!'. I don't know what else to do. I was a performer. Now I cannot do it. It is either too difficult for me or just reminds me that I failed and will never see any of my dreams. I stare at my guitars but do not want to play them. I sit here and cannot find the desire to do anything but stop trying. I can't sing much anymore, and that was my main offering at one time. I have a production company, but I cannot do anything without others to help me produce. Unless I have money to offer them, they are not interested. (Full disclosure, I do not have any money.)
We are basically too broke to do the 'group' thing. They always want to meet in coffeehouses and restaurants. They want 'dues' or they have this thing that only costs X to do. Plus, my interests are not exactly mainstream for people my age. And, as stubborn as it sounds, I am very tired of being the one to do all the adapting. That has been a practice for most of my life and I am sick of watching others not bend one inch and get away with it. Call me a curmudgeon, but there comes a time when one is out of fucks to give.
I am about there. Between the threat of arrest and worse due to my being undesirable (LBGTQA+) and not being able to be a productive worker drone (disabled, but the feds don't care), I face a slow death. Why prolong it more than it needs to be?
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