I have to send off my pathetic gifts by Friday or they probably won't get to the different places in time. I am finding it harder and harder to stay active and productive. It is a fight sometimes.
My hubby seems more normal now. I think he knows he pushed things a bit too far this last time. He has been much better at being more like a human being and less like a brick wall. We are both scared about the next few months. We have to find a place to move to. We have little in the way of funds and with only one part time job as income, even if we do find something chances are we cannot afford it over the long haul. We need to look into getting out of the city, but there is no way we can survive anywhere else, We can't really do it here, but getting further away from county and state services is certainly not going to help. Plus, being a gay couple, cities are about the only place we would have a chance f surviving anyway.
The biggest thing I am dealing with is the the internal conflict going on inside. The faction that is trying to keep on fighting is losing ground to the faction that knows all of this means nothing and why should I keep on breathing without being able to experience any meaning to it all? Why should I suffer one second longer? For what reason? What reason could possibly justify suffering when I have no chance of being anything like I wanted? I can't even justify surviving because I have helped someone. I am around one person. I speak to one person. I can only spend time with one person. He should not have to bear this onus alone, but there is no one else.
So, not doing all that great I guess. 
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