BUT, this demands that I tell a story.
I once had my life disintegrate and I had to move back in with my alcoholic father because my mother would not let me stay with her, which was the general area where I had been living for ten years. So, I had to go back two hours away to live with my old man. He was also not okay with it, but he grew to not be so sour about it. However, this also meant that I had left all my 'friends' two hours away from me. (I was without transportation at this time.) This was still during the time when landlines were the main form of communications. There were cell phones, but they were problematic around my home town. (Bumfuck Egypt had a bigger population and was more modern than my home town.)
So, I started call them. I was lonely and missed them. After the first six months, I noticed something. I was the one doing all the calling. They did not ever call me. I decided one day that it was time to conduct an experiment to see whether or not I really had friends of the type that meant they had a connection to me and vice versa. I called each person one last time and, during the course of the conversation, made sure to indicate that I would not be calling them again until I heard from them. Then, I sat back and waited.
And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited.
Do you know how many actually tried to call me during the four years I lived there?
None.
These are people that I had spent the last ten years laughing, crying, partying, and feeling a kinship with. I learned it meant nothing to them. I learned much during that experience. Mainly that my definition of 'friend' and the rest of the planet's definition of 'friend' is... widely convergent, shall we say?
Moral of the story?
You never know who your friends are until they remind you. Yes, you have to make overtures, and you have to make an effort in such a relationship. But when the other side does not, then what?
Simply put, you were wrong about their commitment to the friendship. You were wrong about their position in your life. You learn that you were wasting your time and money to be with people who were obviously being put upon to be with you. It can be an eye-opening experience.
And, it can be devastating.
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