You know what's really, really freaky?

[polly7]

3. It's an awesome realization, Neoma.

And, a really difficult one to come to terms with in some respects, but very liberating. I hope you continue to see things as they are.

I spent years doubting and hating myself believing I wasn't worthy of being treated with decency, before I realized, with the help of a very supportive therapist, that my thinking was the absolutely expected result of years of gas-lighting, brainwashing and pretty terrible abuse. I still fall into the old mindset occasionally, when things get stressful or hard .. but I look at the two people who did it, and see now how destructive to others they are still. It's really torture, when you're locked into 'hell' with these forces and see no support to try to make any sense of it.

I'm so happy for your AHA! moment and wish you all the best with the healing that comes from it.