the doctor sent me to what i call a psychoshrink. he was a psychologist. Now mind you, I had been dealing with this for some time already and my older sister who has bipolar suggested I see a doctor about it. The guy told me if i act happy I'll BE happy. So there it was. I just wasn't trying hard enough. I only went to his twice. Once with my sisters present and once on my own. After that I stopped asking anyone for help. I blamed myself that I just wasn't trying hard enough. I ended up cutting myself off from everyone, giving away all my important things and doing self destructive things. I would write in my notebook I had, and still do though I refuse to look in it, how i wanted to die. I tried taking pills once but spit them out. Too chicken I guess. The last thing I did, because I always would hop on my bike or try to escape it somehow, was to hop on my bike and ride 5 hours to my brothers house. No one was home when I got there. I just sat on his porch in the rain. I figured no one would care if I was gone. No one would notice. I never told anyone where I was. When my brother got home, I stayed there for 2 days. My sister, the one who had convinced me to go to the doctor had asked where I was. she found my notebook I guess. She talked me into going to the hospital. It took a lot of convincing. I was pretty far gone. But I went. And I told them the truth too. And I went into extended observation. That was voluntary, but a couple days later I was sent upstairs. I sat on one side of the table and my family on the other. I thought they were conspiring against me. But I was kept there.
Now of course I know they were just trying to help me.And the doctors take me seriously too. I think if they would have just taken me seriously in the first place I would have never ended up in the hospital. But the most important thing is that I KNOW... what to look for.
Currently I see a therapist. Have been for years now. I still struggle and I guess I always will. And I don't really ever trust completely anyone. Because of that experience with the psychoshrink.
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