Almost went to hospital, may still...

[TexasTowelie]

1. Hang in there.

I'm the first to admit that I've made poor decisions at certain times in my life, but for some unexplained reason I've decided to keep on going even through the darkest times. I'll probably never be as successful as I was earlier in life and my base of friends has shrunk dramatically throughout the years as they have matured and moved away. I'm not a very religious person, but I believe that there is a higher power and maybe his purpose for me is to reach out to others in despair in times like what you are experiencing tonight.

Awhile ago, one of my younger friends told me that life is hardest for those who are intelligent as they question self-awareness and the purpose of why they are here. I still haven't found those answers for myself yet and I've sunken into depression somewhat frequently over the last one-third of my life. Just know that there are people that care about you and that they would hurt if you do something as foolish as attempt suicide. I've known four people in my life that made serious attempts at suicide, some of them were short-term roommates during my college years while others were closer friends. One of them paid the ultimate price and died because of the attempt and the other three made it through to continue living. In each case I wondered if there was anything else I could have done that may have prevented those people from making the attempts.

It sounds like it might be best for you to get some medical treatment, whether that involves admission into a mental health facility is something you should discuss with the professionals. However, I know that mixing large amounts of alcohol with anti-depressants is dangerous and the binge drinking isn't going to make the situation better.

Good luck to you. I'll be awake for another hour or so and will check in so if you need to fire off an email or post I'll try my best to get back to you.