When you can't get help right away....

[moriah]

11. I wish I could just throw it away... i've tried....

A lot of it isn't just depression, but anxiety and PTSD and not trusting myself. I've had a history of Bipolar II, and my "hypomanic" times where when I was able to work 60 hour workweeks and sleep 4 hours a night, be very functional, gain the trust and respect of my colleagues, even if I overspent....

But without a job that really supports me, and all the medical bills... it's like every time I think about how bad my situation is, I get more depressed. And the situation keeps throwing itself in my face over and over, and I feel like such a weakling for not being able to just get over it.