Possibly a radical view of depression and the origin of more severe mental problems.

[get the red out]

4. I knew I hated myself

And then I hated myself worse because when I asked my parents to get me help at 17, they went nuts with shame that they had a kid like me. They got me help, but our relationship was never the same. I was in deep with depression for many years before I found effective help.

Is it playing the victim to see my mental health journey in detached detail? I hope not. Anxiety and depression run in my family.

I still have a hard time with hating myself. I hate myself for my life not being as good as it could have been if I could have only pulled myself out of the depression and made better decisions. My therapist keeps working with me to try to see myself as a survivor rather than a piece of shit, that is really hard for me.

It is hard to be sick in ways that people can't immediately see, and that have such a stigma. I don't know where I am going with this, I just know that this shit is hard, and I haven't known many people who wanted to hear about my depression, so much for empathy.