how do you sort out

[mopinko]

4. it was truly broken.

he had issues of his own. he could hold a grudge forever. and pretty much every fight we ever had he swore he was leaving. just to shut the conversation down. as a full time mom, this did a lot of damage. deepened the depression, fersher.
we would kiss and make up, but he wouldnt take any real ownership of what he was doing. he wanted to just be the great guy he was most of the time, and have the shit he pulled be put in some other box.

and tbh, for the kids, this was their life. parents threatening to break up every couple months. often on holidays or other special days because he hated having to be good on any one day.
but somehow he managed to always make it look like my fault. now they all are his best buds, and i am chopped liver. (in no small part because he spends money on them, and bails them out when they are in trouble.)

i'm glad you have ironed out things w your mom. i remember when it wasnt thus. sorta part of the anguish of it all is knowing what a burden it is on the heart to feel like you have separate from a parent.
it has taken me till the age of 60 to forgive my dad, and realize what he gave me. he is long gone, so i cant tell him. and he cant tell me what he thinks of the life i have made for myself. i know that if he were alive he would love to come and visit my farm. that he would be proud of me.