Seeking Advice re My Sister

[eppur_se_muova]

4. I *really* wish I had advice to offer. I really do.

I clicked on the link mostly because I thought it might be instructive in dealing with my own sister -- who, for financial reasons, I am currently forced to share a house with. Maybe she is not quite that bad but man oh man does your case sound familiar. Like you, I am afraid that cutting contact (eventually) will be the only solution. OTOH, I do not have nieces or nephews to consider. In the meantime, she is making my mother's last years on this earth truly miserable. I haven't found a solution or even an approach -- like you I have tried engaging her or not engaging her and neither way really works. She is stuck in permanent victimhood mode (how very GOP), won't take responsibility for her own errors in judgement, blames everything on someone else, etc. I know she has seen therapists at least twice and been on medication once or twice but they didn't come anywhere near solving the problem. I truly don't know what to do -- I (and Mother) were much happier when she lived in another state.

Hope your problem at least doesn't get worse. You might try to let your niece know that she will always be your niece no matter what happens with her mother. After my parents got divorced some family friends we knew through my dad -- and even some of her in-laws -- let her know that they were still friends/family, even if they didn't keep close relations with my dad. It means a lot to her. Your niece may be wanting some such reassurance from you, or she may not. Probably best to go ahead and broach the subject, but carefully.