where did my empathy go?

[MissouriLibrul]

19. Dear Kali...

It’s so hard to understand why some think it’s better for themselves and their families if they take their own lives; just disappear. I’ve suffered a lot of trauma in my own life and I’ve been down that lonesome road myself a few times. Depression is a selfish bastard that can and will steal every shred of self-worth and feeling of purpose from someone living in its grip.

We all like to believe we could never do something so selfish to our loved ones, but someone in the depths of severe depression may feel that their loved ones would be better off without them; better off not having to bear the never-ending burden of their despair. Sometimes depression is so severe, the depressed person can’t even find their way out of the hole to ask for help.

It’s hard to forgive when you see the suffering those left behind have to endure. But the truth is, the person who has gone no longer needs forgiveness from you or his loved ones. All of you need to find a way to forgive so YOU can move forward in life. Hanging on to the anger, resentment and hostility (and asking “why?”) are fool’s errands.
I say all this not only as someone who has suffered that type of depression but as someone who has had to come to grips with other suicides in my own family.

Be angry. Throw shit. Sit in your car, roll up the windows and scream until you’re hoarse. Then try to let go. Slowly... slowly.. breathe... until the day comes (and it WILL eventually come) when you can think of those who felt their lives had no meaning with empathy.