Cutting urges

[I_UndergroundPanther]

9. I think

I am just really scared i feel like the future is ugly. I feel like trump will get away with cutting out SSI and without it and medicaid I'll die.From suicide or diabeties.
Than there's the effects of climate change.

I cannot take the stress. It's like faceless people are just firing guns random at me and others in my position and I have to dodge bullets or else while they laugh at us trying to survive.

I can't tàke being homeless again.
I went psychotic and it was weird and horrible. My brain just betrayed me and I found myself in a totally different reality.

During my homeless days I lost my cats one died ,and since I was in a psych ward for 3 months I agreed to put up Bear for re adoption I felt like I failed my baby Bear and I was not there when my soulcat,Sparkle died of old age.

I hope they understand. I didn't want to abandon them by being in the hospital when they needed me. They were being taken care of by my roommate food ect. But I was not there to love my Sparkle as he died.

Later I went to another place got raped on a different psych unit where I was drugged up and was not able to fight I went into freeze mode and I hate myself for not being able to knock the living shit out of that perverted asshole.

I am scared of the future and facing it alone and all the evil shit trump threatens to do and does the republicans are out to destroy and I cannot stop them.there is no one to reason with. I just have to have these changes forced on me. And it makes me hate.