Parenting

halfulglas

(1,654 posts)

5. I don't want to start any family fight but -

Reply to RealGuyinChicago (Original post)

Wed Jun 29, 2022, 11:49 PM

Jun 2022

Maybe you could subtly shift the dynamics to give him even less privacy. He's old enough to be gently nudged into the reality if he really wants more privacy having his own room at his grandfather's place would be much better all around. I'm sure his grandad would let him make some changes so the place will be more his own. He doesn't have to live with constant reminders of his grandmother everywhere. As a grandmother I know you can't go around telling your kids or grandkids how to live their lives, but at the same time if he wants to make this work, he has to give a little, too. Right now you're accommodating his needs and wants but he seems to expect that of you without him realizing he's imposing on you.

Good luck to you.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

69 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

My adult son (he's 20) moved in [View all] RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 OP

It would seem that "imposition" is part of the definition... dchill Jun 2022 #1

Your son needs to be independent. PoindexterOglethorpe Jun 2022 #2

This seems harsh to me. Just because you moved out when you were 17 doesn't mean pnwmom Jun 2022 #14

Yes, I know that I became independent at an unusually young age. PoindexterOglethorpe Jun 2022 #27

This is a young adult, only 20. The parents are free to do whatever they want pnwmom Jun 2022 #29

20 is two years out of high school. PoindexterOglethorpe Sep 2022 #67

Like I said, his parents can do anything they want. And he ALSO can, when they're in their declining pnwmom Sep 2022 #68

Try making a deal with your son dweller Jun 2022 #3

The move in with your father in law seems like a win-win. Tomconroy Jun 2022 #4

I don't want to start any family fight but - halfulglas Jun 2022 #5

It's not just the reminders. His grandfather is 94 -- of an age where he could suddenly pnwmom Jun 2022 #30

Time for tough love... Deuxcents Jun 2022 #6

My 2 cents FWIW Mz Pip Jun 2022 #7

Set a move out day for him. TexasTowelie Jun 2022 #8

There are best practices for Homesharing with a senior citizen mahina Jun 2022 #9

You are a very kind person. Joinfortmill Jun 2022 #10

Thanks for the nice words... RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #62

So sorry about that. Hope it all works out. Joinfortmill Jul 2022 #66

tell him what my dad would say Skittles Jun 2022 #11

I wonder if my mom feels this way about me? vercetti2021 Jun 2022 #12

It sounds to me like your mom simply loves you and is also glad that you help out. barbaraann Jun 2022 #25

I was yes vercetti2021 Jun 2022 #28

It's good that you weren't lonely during the worst of the pandemic, too. :) barbaraann Jun 2022 #31

Yep I do that too vercetti2021 Jun 2022 #33

The help is like icing on the top of the companionship. barbaraann Jun 2022 #34

I doubt she would ever say that about you. You sound like a wonderful housemate. halfulglas Jun 2022 #50

It sounds to me that your son is worried about being in his grandparent's apartment and pnwmom Jun 2022 #13

He could get a job and a roommate or roommates. That's what Tomconroy Jun 2022 #15

Yeah, he could. And that could be better for him than being the caretaker to a 94 yr. old pnwmom Jun 2022 #16

I said he should move in with his grandfather and he could then Tomconroy Jun 2022 #17

You're assuming that the grandfather owns the apartment and would give it to the grandson. pnwmom Jun 2022 #18

No I am not. Tomconroy Jun 2022 #19

The grandfather could die tomorrow and the apartment rent might be unaffordable. pnwmom Jun 2022 #20

Roommates. Every young person has them. Tomconroy Jun 2022 #22

Roommates, yes. Not his 94 year old grandfather, unless he wants to, and he doesn't. nt pnwmom Jun 2022 #24

Life often isn't about what we want. Suck it up buttercup. Tomconroy Jun 2022 #35

And that's a fine attitude for any parent who doesn't care pnwmom Jun 2022 #59

I have an idea! We can all get together and bring the kid to the Tomconroy Jun 2022 #64

Sure! And some day he can drive his parents to the nursing home! n/t pnwmom Jun 2022 #65

Everyone assumes my FIL... RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #63

A 20-year old adult needs to be adulting. Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #21

Living with a 94 year old grandfather isn't adulting. It's caretaking. nt pnwmom Jun 2022 #32

Yeah, like an adult. Adults caretake. I did it for my mom. Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #40

Were you 20 when you cared for a dying mom? If so, then you have my deep sympathy. pnwmom Jun 2022 #41

He refuses to live with roommates. Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #42

That's true, he can. And if his parents present him with only this choice, pnwmom Jun 2022 #43

If he continues to refuse to accept the responsibilities Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #44

He's only 20 years old, and he was on his own till recently. pnwmom Jun 2022 #45

I absolutely think he would be best off with roommates Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #46

If his parents wanted to keep the door open they would have opted for an apartment with 2 bedrooms. pnwmom Jun 2022 #47

At what age are parents allowed to no longer have to have housing Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #48

Any age, of course! It is completely up to them. pnwmom Jun 2022 #49

I'm confused as you stated his parents didn't want him Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #51

I'm confused by your confusion. My opinion is that if the parents had wanted pnwmom Jun 2022 #53

You've sidestepped answering when it's ok for parents to Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #55

It's always okay -- as long as they're good with the idea that their adult child pnwmom Jun 2022 #56

So as long as you have a child you should have a home big enough Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #57

And unless and until you decide to check into a retirement home, pnwmom Jun 2022 #58

Whoa. Hold on. RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #52

Okay that adds important context. I was responding not to you as much as to the people pnwmom Jun 2022 #54

So far, though, my FIL... RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #60

What happens to the apartment? Not sure. RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #61

Moving into your dining room is not acceptable especially when he has an available option. enough Jun 2022 #23

My two cents. barbaraann Jun 2022 #26

I'm disappointed there is so little thought here about the grandson's feelings pnwmom Jun 2022 #37

Good points. barbaraann Jun 2022 #39

I moved in with my mom and stepdad when I was 24 BWdem4life Jun 2022 #36

Good for you. One of our children went to college and never looked back. pnwmom Jun 2022 #38

Hey RealGuy Quakerfriend Jan 2023 #69