I’ve struggled with the suicide thing since about 2013. I had a serious attempt in 2014, and many other half-assed attempts that I wouldn’t really count since 2014.
My experiences from my time in Iraq and watching people bleed out, it didn’t seem all that bad of a way to go. The guys dying looked peaceful and didn’t really move much. From my major suicide attempt, I learned that hacking up my wrists is painless and easy to do too. Nothing hurt until a few hours later - and then it was just a dull pain, no pain meds or anything needed. Before I passed out from blood loss I felt nauseous, but that was the only discomfort.
So how to do you “cure” a guy like me who has both seen people die that way and who has dabbled in suicide and become comfortable with it? I really have learned the wrong lessons from it all.
I will say that I’ve been coming up with a plan to encourage me to stick around. The end of June is a bad time for me. A lot of bad things happened to me in Iraq at that time as well as my suicide attempt in 2014. I almost always get hospitalized around those dates. Anyways, I made a reservation at a really swanky hotel that has a private swimming pool and other stuff in the room. I’m going to save up a bunch of money and waste it on a couple of prostitutes and party like I never have before (no drugs, I don’t do any of those). It’ll be a great experience and something for me to really look forward to. June 27, 2019 will be the greatest day of my life.
I’m dead serious, that’s my plan.
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