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mr_lebowski

(33,643 posts)
9. I like it ... for the last line, I'd have maybe ended it like this ...
Mon Apr 13, 2020, 08:57 PM
Apr 2020

"and lay down their rain"

that way, it ties in with the 'burden' at the beginning ...

or perhaps

"A cataract opens"

Cause that'll send people to their dictionary

Hey, you asked

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

If it resonates, it's good. 😉 SheltieLover Apr 2020 #1
Do you feel like you might post some here? eom guillaumeb Apr 2020 #2
I could. I have time Marthe48 Apr 2020 #4
I like it ... for the last line, I'd have maybe ended it like this ... mr_lebowski Apr 2020 #9
If your other poems are of this general calibre, then I would say, yes, they're pretty good. Foolacious Apr 2020 #15
Thank you very much Marthe48 Apr 2020 #16
i like it the way it is noiretextatique Apr 2022 #19
If it is written on shithouse walls you have arrived jpak Apr 2020 #3
Ha. Not yet! Marthe48 Apr 2020 #5
Hee hee jpak Apr 2020 #7
Here I sit broken-hearted Marthe48 Apr 2020 #17
She taught you well Grasshopper jpak Apr 2020 #18
If your poetry makes you feel happy, then it's certainly at least decent. CaliforniaPeggy Apr 2020 #6
Maybe writing it makes me feel good Marthe48 Apr 2020 #8
My poems are an outlet for all my sad stuff. CaliforniaPeggy Apr 2020 #10
My happy poems aren't as satisfying Marthe48 Apr 2020 #14
If you like your work, that's all that matters PJMcK Apr 2020 #11
To A Battered Moth Marthe48 Apr 2020 #12
Brava! noiretextatique Apr 2022 #20
I'm glad you liked it Marthe48 Apr 2022 #21
Thank you Marthe48 Apr 2020 #13
Latest Discussions»Culture Forums»Poetry»How do I know if I write ...»Reply #9