I don't know why it took me so long to figure out what Saturn in Scorpio really means.

[magical thyme]

1. Letting go and riding in the face of fear....

I've had 2 seriously bad, nearly fatal, falls in my life: the first when a horse got tangled in a jump and fell on top of me; the second when somebody doubled Algiers' grain and he went crazy, flipped and then rolled on top of me. The first ended my serious jumping; nothing but small cross rails and logs. The second nearly ended my riding altogether. I was too badly injured in both to get right back on. In the second fall, with Algiers, I sprained my knee badly when I jumped free but when he rolled onto me he fractured my sternum right where the collar bone connects and I had deep tissue bruises from strained ligaments, tendons and muscles in my thighs that surfaced months later. I have been dealing with the deep fears that resulted ever since. Nearly a decade later, the horrific and realistic fall scene from the movie Seabiscuit unexpectedly set off a panic attack at the theater, leaving me gripping the seat, gasping and sobbing.

Fast forward to me now, starting a young, unbroken and powerful mare in an open field, alone, older, breakable, out of shape and out of practice. Yikes. Anyway, I had roughly planned out spending August working on walk, with the big goal of walking around the arena and all around the pasture. September was trot, with the big goal of doing serpentines in the arena. October would be canter month. And then down for the winter, unless an Indian summer gave us extra riding time. I wasn't tied to the goals. They were just there to give me something to work toward.

August and September fell right into place, with only one change in "plan" when windy days gave us a "spooky" week, forcing me to choose between giving up or dealing with it. I chose to deal with it, albeit ready to bail at any sign of serious broncing. And in doing so, I regained some trust in my ability to ride out a spook and a lot of trust that Dahli wouldn't do anything I couldn't ride out. I chalked the windy week up to Saturn giving me relationship things to work on .

October has not gone according to plan, and again it appears that Saturn has different plans. First, weather and my work schedule have set us back a week. On our first October ride, Dahli unexpectedly at the trot started to come "on the aids," that is travel in the lovely rounded carriage that is the hallmark of a dressage horse. She had given glimpsed of it before at the walk, but they were glimpses and only in the sedate pace of the walk. Trot energy would set her into the high-headed arabian power trot, barely controllable and not coming through her back.

On our second October ride, Dahli started to come on the aids at the trot, and then suddenly overbent, with her nose pulling downward and in toward her chest. This is the position of a horse evading the aids and potentially preparing to buck or, with the path to the barn exerting a magnetic pull, to bolt. So although I was a little scared, I rode through it, first unsuccessfully lifting my hands up and forward to encourage her head back up and nose forward, and then finally regained some control by regressing to a leading rein to keep her from heading full tilt for the barn. Uh-oh.

Today was our third October ride. Again, Dahli started to come on the aids at the trot, and then suddenly overbent and pulled her nose downward and into her chest. I repeated my semi-successful responses from ride two, to no avail. Each time we'd start trotting, everything would be going fine, and then evasion and off the aids with nose to chest.

And then I had an epiphany. She again dove with her head into her chest, acting like she was about to either buck or bolt. Instead of trying to get her to raise her head, I quit trying to control the situation or Dahli and LET GO, giving the reins forward and down, lightening the contact with the bit to nil and giving her total freedom to do what she wanted. Instead of bucking or bolting, or even racing off at too fast a trot, she suddenly slowed down to an easy working trot, stretched to reach a light contact with the bit, with her nose ahead of the vertical again in perfect training level carriage.

This is the 2nd time I've "envisioned" certain progress with Dahli, only to have her present me with the vision. First I imagined riding her in correct carriage, and then I imagined her stretching to reach the bit when I lengthened the reins. We are bonding now, I think, the way Algiers and I were bonded, sending images to each other

After our ride, back at the barn, after I'd untacked her and fed her carrot treats, while I ran the soft brush over her face, she lifted her nose and laid her head on my shoulder, against my neck, half nuzzling and half itching her face gently against me.