I could use a little white healing light at the moment if you've any to spare...

[magical thyme]

Until tonight, Dahli has been a star. I just bragged the other day at work how there isn't a psycho bone in her body. She's quiet and workmanlike about tacking up and not taken one step out of place under saddle.

Yesterday, I almost didn't ride because I hadn't slept well the night before. But I went ahead, with no particular goal in mind. She was a bit fussy, pushing my buttons and in my weariness, let myself get into a bit of a "wrestling match" with her. I got out of it by sending her forward into a big trot, which she happily flew across the diagonal. Then, just as I was about to slow her down a bit to help with the corner, she broke to her first canter. I went straight into a "half-seat" (low gallop/jump position with butt out of saddle) so as not to disturb her back. She cantered several strides and then came back to a trot. Her canter was lovely -- fluid, elastic, easy-peasy. I set her up the same way across the diagonal and this time asked for the canter. A couple taps and she got it! Again, fluid, elastic, easy-peasy. Each time she rounded herself into excellent carriage. The second time so much I got worried she might buck, but she didn't. She seemed happy. I got off and made much of her all the way back to the barn, and some more in the barn.

This afternoon, I again almost didn't ride due to not enough sleep (Jake fell out of bed at 2:30 am!) and being busy all morning. But I decided to go ahead, again with no plan in mind. I try to take each day as it comes and adapt according to Dahli's current state. She started out fabulous. Stretched herself round and sneezed into the bit (my first teacher, who went on to be a successful Olympic coach, used to say "when they sneeze, they're thanking you!&quot , easy-peasy, forward and seemed happy. So I decided to set her up and ask for a canter. The first time we missed. No big deal. I just rode around a couple more minutes, back to walk, back to trot, and set it up again.

And then I asked for it again, with a firmer tap and a clear "Canter" voice aid. And she turned total bronc. This was not a happy, "isn't this fun" couple of little bucks. This was serious, "you are OFF my back," bronc-busting type bucking. I was able to stay on for half a dozen plus huge bucks and then she got me off. Unfortunately, my helmet was not strapped tightly enough and it fell off. The brunt of the landing was on my right hip and thigh, which are now quite sore. I was too stiff and muscles to strained right from the get-go to even think of getting back on. I also had banged my head (lightly) when I landed, so had a touch of headache and was a little worried, but that dissipated within a couple minutes and my vision, balance, coordination, etc. remained fine throughout.

So I put her on the longe and gave her a long hard gallop in each direction, cooled her down and put her away. No carrots. No grain. No fussing. It was now getting too dark to think of getting back on, and I'm still quite stiff and sore.

I have lost my trust in her and myself/my judgement. Not my riding; this was serious, serious broncing without broncing gear, only my balance to keep me aboard. I never saw this coming. The closest thing to warning was when she started to curl up at the canter yesterday, but she didn't even start a little buck. Just a lovely rocking horse canter, and she seemed happy. What makes me so sad and worried was that she clearly was determined to get me off, no ifs, ands, or buts.

So I need some healing light, especially for my right hip and thigh (nothing broken, just bruised and strained muscle and joint) and for my relationship with Dahli.