Ok, not quite, but yes. I think what happens is trying to summon miracles becomes an attempt to exert control over a situation. I've simply given up. I do what needs to be done each day and nothing more. Everybody gets fed, barn cleaned, house swept, dogs walked, etc. And then I just stop doing. Even sitting on the internet became to much doing. Thinking is doing. Meditating is doing. Repeating mantras is doing. Visualizing is doing.
Trying to summon miracles is doing. Intending and willing is doing. When I stopped doing anything, then things could shift. I let everything and everyone go. If I lose my home, I lose my home. My animals will find new homes. I needed to rest everything. I have been that world-weary.
It reminds me a little of when I had a really bad fall from Algiers. He fell over backwards. I had jumped free, but then he rolled on top of me and me as his is "base" to push himself back to his feet. A few days later, I suddenly couldn't breathe. My skeleton had "shifted" a bit out of alignment and into a place where I couldn't inhale. I crawled across my bed to try to get to the phone to call 911, but half way across collapsed and rolled onto my back. On my back I found a position where I could get a little air in, and just lay there staring at the ceiling. And as I lay there, unable to do anything except get slowly and gently inhale small breaths down to my diaphragm, I literally felt my bones slide back into place. It felt the same way it does when a chiropractor realigns you, only very gently and in slow motion. It was actually a lot cranial-sacral therapy, only instead of the therapist holding me in a position to allow gravity to re-align bones, I had been able to lie in a position where gravity could work. I had to let go of everything for my bones to slide into place. I had to not be able even to breathe to weaken my muscles enough that they stopped holding me in place. Only when I stopped physically doing anything except gently taking in just enough air to stay conscious was gravity and the universe able to slide my bones back where they belonged.
It's really, really hard to stop doing. Society trains us to be doers. Fear enforces doing...even if it's just worrying. If you aren't working, give yourself permission to take a vacation from doing. Even meditating. Even visualizing. Trying anything is doing. Trying to summon miracles is an attempt to control.
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