anybody here? I just got dumped via email from my husband of 30 years

[Layzeebeaver]

32. there is a lot to say about this, but I'll keep it to the point.

Dumping via email is an act of cowardice in my opinion.

A person should be willing to deliver the bad news in person unless there is an issue with one or the others safety.

But looking back in retrospect regarding my life and marriages, I can't deny I wished it was easier than it was.

However, in your situation, the important thing to keep in mind is that this choice of communication medium is definitely NOT about you, it's about your husband and his issues.

My best advice is to engage a professional intermediary if possible. If you can't to don't want to do that then just run with the email pattern. But DO NOT put anything in any emails to him that you don't want to factor into any separation or divorce agreement. Emails are a valid source of evidence. they will come back to bite you. Let him say anything he wants. Give everything to your lawyer.

I sincerely hope you keep hope alive for a better life - a good therapist is essential - I speak from experience (see below)

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Now... For background, iv'e been married 3 times and divorced twice. Here's my story, just so you know where I'm coming from:

Marriage 1: married way too early (thinking below the belt). Five years later, it turned out she was ADHD/OCD/BP all at once and had stopped taking her meds because she insisted on having a few children. I said absolutely not. Later after the divorce, I found out that for years she had been running off with a Russian orthodox priest on every holy day (and she was jewish... go figure. He was married and had 3 kids)

Divorce 1: So I forced the issue or therapy to get the bottom of it. After two sessions, the therapist said she would not see us together or me again and that she would continue to counsel my wife. Her option was that it wasn't a question of IF we would divorce, but WHEN. and that her job and mine was to do the best to prepare my wife for that event. So, after a few weeks of this therapy arrangement I told my wife I was going to move out for a while, and that we would continue with the therapy. She went crazy. I stuck to the plan. Two months later I met her in public and informed her It was time for a divorce. She was very upset, told me she would allow me to have as many affairs as I wanted to (wtf? - this was obvious a subliminal result of her own behaviours). Anyway, in the end I walked away with my clothes, and had to pay alimony for 3 years. Good decision. (10 years of my life gone)

Marriage 2: Met her at work. Seemed sincere and genuine. In retrospect I think it was a rebound thing with me - trying to fill a hole in my emotional life that was destroyed in my 1st. At the end of the day she turned out to a vindictive soul - shunning me for the simplest thing (like not hearing her when she was speaking softly in the kitchen while the TV was on, microwave running...resulting in weeks of total communication blackout - I think she enjoyed it.

Divorce 2: I had started a new job that took me out of town for weeks at a time. After about 3 months of asking her of she wanted to come along at some point, I said forget it. She tells me that I need to go to therapy. I say no problem - and didn't even suggest she do the same. Therapist educated me about transitional relationships and bingo! Understanding!!! I continue working my job. After another couple of months of me interacting in the family (she had a daughter) in a more non-transactional manner, she asks, "Are you happy?" I said no. She says, "do you want a divorce?". I responded with a pause and a "Let me think about that?" fast forward a few days... I tell her yes I want a divorce. I moved out with my clothes and belongings the next day. Took 6 months of legal negotiation and I walked away with nothing plus alimony for a year. (Another 10 years of my life gone)

In both instances above, I guess I was likely just chewing a leg off to get out a trap - I must be a starfish - they grow back eventually - nothing is forever.

Marriage 3: its been 21 years so far... stay tuned.