I find myself really wanting a wedding

[ExtremelyWokeMatt]

7. It's never wrong to be honest about what you want

I see some similarities with my story in what you’ve written, and I probably fall on the mild side of the spectrum as well. In my case I’m a gay guy (I don’t think of myself in any gendered way in my mind but I’m fine with the way I was born so I use male pronouns) so that shrinks the pool of available people by a lot, although my story is also complicated. I have a lot of interests, and tend to be very adaptable, so I’ve had issues expressing those kinds of core desires like you did in your writing. I do have someone in mind too but it’s been a long process trying to communicate these things given some other events that happened in the past with someone we both knew mutually which caused a lot of distance. At 29 I feel like I’ve accomplished less than I would have as well had I not been less social. I still write and try to dream of new futures, and even though I have massive stage fright I hope to get back to singing and dancing after a stint with disability.

I’m not sure what to say about the arranged marriage idea. A lot of people in the west reject that idea but it has worked for some. I think a first date wouldn’t be a massive compromise though, maybe with a commitment to as many as it takes to communicate all of what you both want and get on the same page before going ahead if you want enough of the same things. And you don’t seem to have those strict cultural restrictions, just openness to what works, so a ‘ranked choice’ list could work well. People on the spectrum can get accidentally fixated, sometimes for obscure reasons, so I’d recommend trying to make a list of why you enjoy each item on a list along with the ranking if you do that.

As for your wedding ideas… a partner who cares won’t demand too much but will support your preferences to a reasonable degree. It’s not wrong to want the things you’ve mentioned. Planning it together might be a great way to bond and work within whatever budget you need to, there are all kinds of iterations to fit any interests. But remember… while it is your idea of a crowning achievement, it’s about your partner too and making sure their needs get met to the best of your ability. You’ve made a great start expressing this in this post though, maybe use this as a starting point to work from.

I can completely sympathize with the conservative family issues, I’ve had a very hard time with mine. I know how to ‘speak their language’ but find myself wanting to do it less and less with what I saw from Trump and the Q types and ended up limiting contact with people who support that stuff. It’s one thing to have wild fantasies but another to act them out in dangerous ways intentionally. I will probably end up moving out of my very red state too eventually since I want to live somewhere where my future partner isn’t restricted by the local laws/opinions.