Seeing The Feminist Light: An Ex-MRA Tells His Story

[boston bean]

snip:

Feminists Wanted More Than Equality

For much of my adult life, I had always misunderstood feminism, and as a consequence was deeply opposed to it. I spurned, turned my nose up at feminism, at their stories, articles or opinions. It was all “man-hating, misandric feminazi” bullshit. Feminists were the bigots, only interested in their own entitlements at the expense of men; they wanted to make women more equal then men. It was easy to spot too; all you had to do was look around, see the perks women got, were entitled to as a result of feminism. See how men were undermined, made to feel guilty for being male. From job entitlements; family laws and rights; expectation of men to protect and serve women financially and emotionally, to disparity in suicide rates of men; male healthcare; and the increasing number of girls outperforming boys in education. It was clear men were under attack from all fronts. It was clear women were getting help and a ‘leg up’ in every walk of society, while boys and men were being left behind in a wake of guilt and oppression. A simplistic way of looking at things, but simplistic is always the first way to look at something, because it’s easy; because it can avoid getting to the real route of the problem and acknowledging anything to do with privilege. I mean, hey, feminists just wanted equality added to still receiving the perks of chivalry; they wanted more than equality.

I remember how I talked to male friends throughout university and beyond about women, or, as I referred to them then, girls. I’d never treated a ‘girl’ badly, but then there was always an undercurrent of “us versus them”. They were objects, even if I loved them, and maybe they me (on rare occasions, I grant you!). The debate of consent often came up; we saw any law emphasizing consent as an attack on “lads being lads” (God I’m cringing writing this out). We joked how “we’d need to get ‘em to sign a contract before we had sex” how all the power’s now given to a girl. And yes, more often than not, the myth that if a girl woke up the next morning, regretted a one-night stand, she would just have to cry rape and the man would be guilty until proven innocent. It was another attack on men. That was how many of us viewed it, and that was what we thought of it.

Feminism Was to Blame For Destructive Male Stereotypes

You could see misandry in the media too, just take a look at advertisements on the TV, men were always made to look ridiculous, against a wise and in control woman – men were made to feel stupid and incompetent. Yet that was acceptable, as was violence against men perpetrated by women; I’d argue “could you imagine if the gender roles were reversed, they’d never allow that” and I’d naturally blame feminism for it. The “lets throw rocks at boys” t-shirt debate was feminism’s fault: man-hating at its worst. Look at how men’s bodies were objectified in adverts and on TV, whereas the same objectification of women would always be met with opposition from feminists. I’d argue how misandric programmes like ‘Loose Women’ were allowed; yet anything male orientated would never be allowed. I hadn’t bought a ‘lad’s magazine’ for a fair few years, but I always defended their existence, again countering any feminist argument against them with “what about female magazines that have half naked or naked men in them.” Any articles or columns in newspapers or magazines slightly alluding to making women’s rights an issue was simply “feminist bullshit”, even if, deep down, I may have agreed with it; my hatred was stronger than my reasoning. To me, it was one rule for women, and another entirely different and unfair rule for men. Feminism’s fault, entirely. It was so obvious.

Feminists Lacked Humour and Logic…

My anti-feminism crossed over into all walks of my life too; I’m a huge football fan, and about a year or so ago Sian Massey became the first female referee assistant in a Premiership match. The appointment was shrouded in controversy, not because of anything she did (actually preformed very well and made correct decisions) but because of the off-air comments made by Sky Sports presents Andy Gray and Richard Keys; whose misogynistic comments were nothing new to those behind the camera; but they were caught out by microphones being left on this time. I fiercely defended them and their “lads banter” (another cringe). Most of it was done online, but I would claim it was just the way lads talk to each other, it wasn’t offensive, and you women need to get a sense of humour. The defence went further, why were women allowed to officiate the men’s games when women had their own leagues, it was feminism and political correctness gone too far; is nothing sacred for men to have just as their own? There was even a group on Facebook I had joined, just to express my anger at the two presenters being sacked, and the unfair advantage given to Sian Massey. It was a hotbed of misogyny and sexist jokes. And I told plenty of them too; I had no problem with sexist jokes, they simply played on the stereotypes of each gender, nothing more. Women should just get over them like men had gotten over jokes made about them. For every sexist joke aimed at women, there is a joke relating to men too. Stereotypes should be embraced and accepted, rather than fought against.

really good read.

http://weekwoman.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/seeing-the-feminist-light-an-ex-mra-tells-his-story/