sheshe, i have a problem with this lock. i feel your message should be heard,

[chervilant]

62. As an advocate for survivors of relationship violence

for the last thirty-five years, I could not agree more: children who must witness one parent (usually dad) abusing the other (usually mom) are as much survivors of relationship violence as is the parent being abused. I remain hopeful that our legal system will soon acknowledge this fact, and stop allowing abusers to continue their abuse through joint custody of their children.

Here are some observations I've made when lecturing about relationship violence:

1) People who've been abused are SURVIVORS of relationship violence. Most who survive do not self-identify as 'victims.'

2) Surviving relationship violence, by definition, requires courage and tenacity--oftentimes stealth. Bringing this to the attention of survivors often results in highly effective re-framing of survivors' options.

3) Active listening, sharing resources, and honoring a survivor's choices is the best advocacy you can offer.

4) Abusers RARELY change. Once an intimate partner hits you (with hands, objects or words), the clear message is that this will ALWAYS be an option.

5) Most often, those who will abuse you will initially present as loving, compassionate and trustworthy. Often, it's difficult to identify the 'red flags' that might give you pause about becoming intimate with a potential abuser.

6) Abusers must be held responsible for their actions. No more excuses, ever.