Religion as Citizenship and Letting Go

[freshwest]

5. I spent a good deal of my life with religious people, and I miss them. I have informed them of my

changes of heart, they all accept it. But I can't be true to myself and go to church when I can't believe what the majority there believe, out of respect to them and to myself. I would be singing off key.

I don't consider myself lost or going to a bad place. I miss the joy of faith for the harsh things it helped me through. So many moments in which I was in truth, all alone, except for a belief there was a purpose. The nights where I waited for the next dawn, and needed assurance life was worth living.

I read the Bible for many years. Through its passion, poetry and logic, a part of me was animated to transcend and feel hope through the heart breaking things that happened and were still happening. There is much cruelty and injustice in this world that cannot be overcome in the physical realm.

I always prayed for understanding and growth. I was not a literalist and never agreed with all of it. I even went through a phase of saying, 'I will only read the words in red-letters!' which were from Jesus, as many other things offended me.

I don't feel the Bible has all the answers. The feeling that I was not living under some sort of judgement, just going on a journey, which millions before had gone, seeking their way, is something I do not judge anyone doing. I think it is not the conclusions that people reach, it what they are seeking to grasp.

I think this group is going to be a space for those like me to express themselves without having to defend our feeelings.