So my story is really two stories, about two different people

[Behind the Aegis]

3. Thank you for sharing both accounts.

This rang true with me:

I'm usually reluctant to talk about them, not because they still affect me but because they mostly don't. I read stories about survivors who are still traumatized years or decades later, and wind up with a vague feeling of guilt and even sadness that I managed to recover.

I also feel that way because mine wasn't really brutal and didn't entail a full violation (forced oral sex), but at the same time, I can't really offer rape crisis services anymore. I was going to try and go back a few years ago, but felt embarrassed, as if my story wasn't enough, but also it reminded me of a very real weakness in myself, which I find hard to reconcile. Also like you, the anger was so strong, but I didn't always direct it toward him.

Your second account reminds me of the rape law battle in South Carolina while I was in college. This was the early '90s and raping your wife was still "legal," basically, a man couldn't be prosecuted for raping his wife/ex-wife. It was the last state to have such a law. It was eventually overturned (I think right before I went to grad school...so, 1992).

Thanks for sharing.