Feeling really down

[jmbar2]

7. You have a lot on your plate and sound overwhelmed

It's not surprising that you are feeling down. But ending it is not an option right now.

You say that you wouldn't want to leave a mess. I've had suicides in my family and the repercussions on the survivors are deep and long lasting. If for that reason alone today, tell yourself that it's not an option.

One thing that has helped me in the past is studying Buddhist philosophy and meditating. At the very simplest, suffering is all around us in life. In most cases, it is beyond our control. Meditating helps us to give our ruminating minds a break.

I have found the lectures of Pema Chodron very helpful in dealing with depression. Here is a link to a short good one:
https://pemachodronfoundation.org/videos/fear-and-fearlessness/

She has a lot of vids on Youtube about dealing with loss and fear, plus good instruction on meditation.