... and was just jumping in and out of DU for a moment whenever I needed a distraction from the usual drama of my life, real and imagined... I have a high drama family, and a very vivid imagination about everything that can possibly go wrong.
I'm glad you got good advice. There are many wonderful people here on DU. (And you can learn to ignore those who are not so wonderful.)
May I say that the E.R. is a first step?
I'm not qualified to give any medical advice, but I do have some experience dealing with my own mental illness, ways that work for me, and ways that don't.
In my most recent (and hopefully last) crisis, the first time I went to the E.R. I apparently recovered enough that they let me go home. I really wanted to go home. I hate hospitals.
Unfortunately I have a lifetime experience *pretending* to be clear headed and functional when I'm not feeling that way at all inside. That kind of acting is reflexive for me almost.
I bounced back into the ER a few days later in an even worse state, feeling a combination of failure that I hadn't been able to absorb any of the advice I'd gotten, confused by the meds I'd been prescribed, and paranoid and reckless as all hell; a clear danger to self, though I was not entirely aware of that at the time. The small rational voice in my head that was telling me to return to the ER was getting lost in the cacophony of other voices and motivations.
Fortunately I did go to the ER again and this time they wheeled the bed I was on straight up to the locked psych ward. I hardly remember the first 24 hours there; so much noise in my head.
But this time, in the psych ward, as opposed to the first E.R. visit, they were actually able to get me onto a path of some stability. I haven't been anywhere near my worse since, but it's still been a long journey from that initial visit to the E.R.; a journey well worth taking.
Take care of yourself. If my story isn't helpful to you, that's okay. We've all got our own stories and circumstances.
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