Borderline Personality Disorder

[nadine_mn]

8. I have a diagnosis of BPD

Watching this video made so many things click and made me so sad. My teens and 20's (ok even into my 30's) were basically everything she described as far as mood swings, intense relationships, lack of identity etc.

Somehow, I managed to get one thing right... I am married to an amazing (and patient and loving) man...we'll be celebrating 20 yrs of marriage in Jan. Therapy has definitely helped.

I am so saddened by how my BPD has impacted others, to make others feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me. It particularly hurts because I was raised by a parent with NPD, I always had to be on guard around her and know how terrifying that can feel. To know that I made others feel the same ... coworkers, family, friends...breaks my heart.

I feel every emotion with such intensity...it overwhelms me and has scared me into basically being a recluse. I haven't worked in ten years, not since my last flame out bridge burning disaster. The concept of being in a work environment again scares me - what if I haven't changed? I feel like I have mellowed with age and have more insight, but I would hate to hurt anyone else ever again.

This video really helped me get a better understanding of my diagnosis...I am sharing it with my husband in hopes it brings some clarity to why our early years were so intense.