Looking for some advice. We are out of our depths and quite lost at sea...read on. [View all]
This deals with our daughter.
She lives a few hours from us - has been married nearly 7 years. I won't go into any details beyond this except it was never a particular good marriage on many levels. It always takes 2, but ....
She and her husband work at the same place. Their communication has degraded - she's had a tough time with life in general, and made a bad decision (it was an internet dating match) - but now things are escalating really quickly and we are deeply concerned.
Here is how this began (and I am cutting out lots of details to get to the nub of this post) - she became friends with a man she worked with - he probably treated her decently and they hit it off. Her husband apparently (I am going to use that word a lot, because we only have one side of this - and it is unclear if she is absolutely being truthful with us) has been furious - she claims he started a rumor about our daughter and the other man (who is married) - it got up to the company mgt and both she and her friend were fired.
Her husband is denying he started the rumor. He is gaslighting her - saying he loves her while (apparently) costing her the job. She is very angry - wants nothing to do with him. His parents have a cabin nearby and she wants to stay there - while she was here for the weekend he put up no trespassing signs. He wants her back in the house - she doesn't want to be there with him (he is volatile, has guns, is part of a religion where the male is the head of the family - a weird holy roller type - but also a true trumper type)
He was divorced previously under similar circumstances.
My other daughter was visiting us also - she set her sister up with a new on line bank acct, helped her change her passwords - she's really been great providing support. She helped her sign up for unemployment.
All of the above is about finding out what her rights are. We know she wants a divorce - but in NC it is a mandatory separation for a year and a day. She is trying to get an appt with a divorce lawyer to get a handle on where things stand for her legally (what he can and can't do - in terms of taking all of the money for himself, etc) and what steps she needs to take - restraining order? etc.
My wife and I are shell shocked. She is 36 years old, an adult - my wife and I have never dealt with this sort of issue. We are worried for her safety, and her mental state. She is stoic, but clearly depressed and angry - and she is staunchly anti-therapist/counselor.
Our advice is that she probably has to go back into the house and cohabitate so she can't be considered as abandoning him. But...her safety.
What a mess. We are in shock over all of this.
= new reply since forum marked as read